Body: | How to Solve Family problems the Bible way!
United Press International recently reported that in Bloemfontein, South
Africa, a man built a wall through the middle of the house and told his
wife to stay on the other side. This is the kind of wall which one cannot
break through physically. But many people have built walls which cannot be
seen, but which prevent people from communicating emotionally and
spiritually.
The statement of the Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:2, which states: "Bear you
one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ", must certainly
include the family relationships, but only when we are in an authentic
dialogue will we know the burdens that others bear. Only when we are
willing to reveal our burdens, only when we are truly sensitive to the
burdens of others, only in a relationship of genuine openness can we
"Fulfill the law of Christ". It is a truism that you cannot really love
another person unless you know that person's needs and help fill those
needs. Yet, too often people fail to reveal their needs to members of their
own family. Too often, others are not listening with sufficient attention
to notice the needs of others.
It is not always wise to "smooth things over". There are worse situations
than conflict: hidden resentments are worse; silent bitterness is worse;
hypocrisy is worse. When the Apostle Paul had a grievance against Peter, he
"withstood him to the face" (Galatians 2:11-14). More face-to-face
frankness in the right spirit would help many a parent-child relationship
and many a marriage.
In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus said that a person who has been wronged should
go to the one who offended him and discuss the matter directly. Surely,
this must apply to the family as well as to other human relationships. When
your child, your parent, or your marriage partner does bring a grievance,
try to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). Allow
the other person to express fully whatever he feels. Too often, we cut each
other off and give hasty advice. Too often, we resent hearing about
grievances. When we are "slow to hear and quick to speak", we reverse the
Biblical teaching and we disobey God. Have we thought, instead, of
listening lovingly as part of our Christian way of life?
When James wrote "confess your faults one to another" (James 5:16), there
is little doubt that he included all Christian relationships. Fathers and
sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, should be able to express
their weaknesses to each other. A life of pretense can be an unbearable
burden. Besides, those closest to us usually know our strengths and
weaknesses anyway. It helps when we ourselves are frank about them.
Honesty and courage about acknowledging your faults will encourage others
in the family both to understand you better and to talk freely about their
shortcomings. In this sharing, we learn to love and help each other more
beautifully than in a "closed circuit" situation. In Ephesians 4, we are
exhorted to "be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you Part of forgiveness, and
part of genuine dialogue involves acceptance. The Father of the prodigal
son accepted his boy completely, compassionately, joyfully. He expressed
unconditional love. In true family dialogue, we do not expect perfection in
the other, even as we know we are not perfect. Rather, we receive the other
with sympathy and unconditional love. When a person finds that he is
accepted, he is able to grow into an increasingly meaningful and
strengthening dialogue.
So do not allow a wall to be built inside your house. Share your real
feelings. Share your burdens. Share your needs. And share the emotions and
burdens of everyone in your family. In doing so, you will build a family
circle which cannot be broken.
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