Body: | Planning For Marriage
Long time marriages are disintegrating, young people repudiate marriage and
experiment with other alternatives, rights previously reserved for marriage
are exercised through other relationships, and yet young people keep right
on marrying.
Many a marriage fails before it starts because it is without preparation.
Of all forms of marriage, Christian marriage is best suited to social
stability and individual enrichment and is what God expects of the
Christian who relies on his promises of salvation. Christian marriage is a
life-time commitment. The Bible says, "Let not the wife depart from her
husband and let not the husband put away his wife". Christian marriage
involves love and consideration. Ephesians 5:33 says, "Let every one of you
in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she
reverence her husband". Christian marriage offers legitimate and fulfilling
sexual gratification, blessed by God, to which it is rightfully confined. I
Corinthians 7: 3,4, says "Let the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not
power of her own body, but the husband, and likewise also the husband hath
not power of his body, but the wife".
The first priority in preparation for marriage is to recognize God's way
and to be ready to commit oneself for the lifetime of the two. The second
priority is to find someone with whom one can enjoy compatibility and
willingly make such a commitment. "The two shall be one flesh", says Jesus
in Matthew 19:5. To join two incompatible people would certainly make a
grotesque union. Compatibility means both have the same goals, exploring
one another's love, whispering sweet things into each other's ears and
experiencing certain legitimate intimacies, are certainly highly enjoyable
in courtship, but exploration of the real person is essential to adequate
preparation. While not neglecting the communication of love, be sure each
has the same goals in life and in marriage.
Equally essential to compatibility is equal means of reaching the goals.
Having the same goals alone can blind two to conflicts which can arise in
day to day details of life, as each strives independently for these same
goals.
Compatibility further means that each is considerate of each others concept
of his or her role in marriage. In this age when roles are confused, this
is especially important. Be sensitive to role communication. Also beware of
trying to change the mate, either before or after marriage. Deep seated
personality traits, superficially adjusted to please a fiancée, have a way
of reappearing later. This applies to all aspects of life: sex, children,
occupation, location of home, religion, recreation, household
responsibilities, money, savings, personal freedom everything affecting
life with each other. However, do not expect perfect harmony, but be sure
that there is enough reasonable agreement and love to enable two to grow
more compatible through the years.
There will be conflicts, tensions and differences. Working these out and
growing together can be satisfying and even fun. Then when you grow old
together and the children are gone, you can take great comfort in one
another's company and you will be able to say, "Marrying him (or her) was
the best thing I ever did!
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