Body: | How to Strengthen Your Family!
Family life is a system of human relationships designed by God to provide
man's needs. In the family, man finds companionship, sexual satisfaction,
and learns love, which is an attribute of God himself. It is in the family
that children learn to become socialized. No other arrangement has ever
been devised as a successful alternative. It is evident that Jesus was
serious when he said, "What therefore God hath joined together let not man
put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). That which God has provided, ordained, and
authorized has always been a focus of attack by the forces of Satan. Today,
the family system of life is a major issue in the Devil's warfare against
God's design for a fulfilling human relationship. Many couples are asking
themselves what is missing in their relationship with one another? Why
don't parents really feel close to their children? Why doesn't the family
have that warm, close feeling that families should have? Could anything
change the situation and bring the joy back into family life? Increasingly,
these are the questions being asked by all segments of our society, and for
good reasons. For example, there is evidence that negative, unhappy family
life is associated with mental health problems and juvenile delinquency.
There is a higher incidence of divorce and marital unhappiness among
persons who are reared in unhappy families.
The challenge of strengthening family life depends upon gaining knowledge
about strong, healthy families. We might ask what can we learn from strong,
healthy families that can be applied to our own family to strengthen it?
Studies have demonstrated that strong families are characterized by five
qualities.
Number one is the expression of appreciation. William James, one of the
greatest psychologists America has ever produced, once wrote a book about
human needs. Some years later, he commented that he failed to include the
most important need of all - the need to be appreciated. We like to be
around people who show us appreciation. Yet, how often we fail to express
appreciation to our spouses and children. One study showed that only 20
percent of a family's time was spent in having fun or saying nice things to
each other. To change this, a family must begin to look for each other's
strengths. Try not to miss an opportunity to give each other a sincere
compliment. It is important to let others know, "You are important to me I
care about you . . . You have many contributions to offer to the world".
An outstanding example of the expression of appreciation is found in the
Apostle Paul's letter to the Thessalonians. The first chapter of I
Thessalonians is a hymn of praise and thanksgiving for the faith, love and.
steadfastness of the Thessalonians. Paul certainly expressed his
appreciation for these members of the family of God.
Second, an outstanding characteristic of strong families is the great
amount of time they spend together. They work and play together. They enjoy
being together, even if they are not doing anything in particular. Life
today has become very much a "rat race". Family living can be improved by
not allowing our lives to become overly fragmented. Strong families
intentionally cut down on the number of outside activities and
involvement's in order to minimize fragmentation of their family life. When
you find yourself becoming so busy that you are not spending time with your
family, it is time to look at what you're doing that's taking you away from
your family. You may find that some of those involvement's are not so
important after all. Try to keep you family "number one" in, terms of how
you spend your time.
Third, strong families spend a lot of time in family discussion and in
talking out problems as they come up. There are quarrels in every family,
but by getting things out in the open and talking about them, the problem
can usually be identified and the best alternative for resolving the
conflict can be chosen.
Successful marriage and family relationships are characterized by positive,
open channels of communication. It is not just communication perse which
contributes to the strength of a family, but communication of a positive
nature, marked by a frequent expression of appreciation toward each other.
The fourth characteristic of a strong family is a high degree of religious
orientation. In addition to attending church as a family, the members pray
together and read the Bible and other inspirational books together. The
role that religion plays in strengthening families is much more than simply
participating in religious activities. It is the knowledge that God is with
you every day and is directing your life. Knowing God cares, is the
greatest friend you have, and has a purpose for your life is a great
comfort. The awareness of God's love makes the family more tolerant and
forgiving.
Christianity emphasizes values such as commitment, respect, and
responsibilities for the needs and welfare of others. These values
contribute to good interpersonal and family relationships.
Commitment is the fifth quality of a strong family. A strong family is
committed to helping and making each other happy. Their actions are geared
toward promoting each other's welfare. Time and energy are invested in the
family. Individual goals are frequently sacrificed for the welfare of the
family.
An action formula for strengthening your family can be summarized in these
five steps:
1. Develop the art of expressing sincere appreciation to your spouse and
children. Concentrate on their individual strengths.
2. Arrange to spend more time with your family. Plan more family activities
that all find enjoyable. Learn to say "no" to outside demands which aren't
really that important anyway.
3. Open the communication channels. Take time to talk with each other often
and be a good listener.
4. Explore ways that spiritual strength might be added to your family life.
Participating in church activities as a family, reading religious materials
and family devotionals are only a few of the ways this might be
accomplished.
5. Build a high degree of commitment toward your family. Make family life
your number one priority. Invest your time and energy into the
relationships with your spouse and children. The result can, and will be a
stronger, more fulfilling family life.
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