Body: | Strengthening Your Marriage before it fails!
Why do marriages fail? There are perhaps many answers, but one reason
stands out as a major cause of marital difficulties. Many couples are not
even aware of this threat to the marriage relationship until they are in
real difficulty. Indifference is the enemy we have in mind. Think back to
the beginning of your own marriage. Your probably did almost everything
together. Unfortunately, in many instances this doesn't continue, but
instead, something else begins to happen. Something that is not good, but
is so subtle that it is difficult to put a finger on it. Each partner
becomes involved in his own work, club activities, and other worthwhile
causes. You begin to spend more and more time apart. You are simply too
busy to talk together and to be together. After a while you find that it
doesn't even bother you to be apart so often. Complete indifference now
characterizes a once vital and growing relationship. Obviously this is not
what God had in mind when He said: "Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife" (Genesis 2:24). The word
"cleave" suggest a close, intimate, cultivated relationship.
When flowers are not watered, they die. The same is true of marriages. When
husbands and wives become indifferent - when they become dull to each
other's minds, spirits and bodies - the marriage is deprived of life-giving
water. As a result, it withers. However, husbands and wives do not have to
succumb to the devastating effects of indifference. A few simple principles
can be applied to prevent indifference from growing to dangerous
proportions. Simply being aware of the possibility of indifference is the
first step in combating it. Know some of the danger signs, such as becoming
too busy to spend time together, communicating less frequently, and having
separate goals and activities.
A second step is to work together toward common goals. What happens when
family members stop working together toward common goals? Husbands and
wives begin to go their separate ways. Each becomes self-centered and
concerned only with his or her individual interests. When a common
objective is pursued with one's partner, there will be interaction. You
must look at each other. You must spend time together. You will grow
together instead of apart. Thirdly, create more joy experiences. Have you
lost the art of enjoying life? Many of us apparently have, since thousands
of couples allow their marriages to get in a dull rut. This is unfortunate
because there is great potential for the marriage relationship to be one of
the most joyful experiences in life. How can you make joy happen in your
marriage? One way that joy and vitality can be added to your marriage is so
simple, yet so seldom practiced. Sit down with your spouse and list the
things you must enjoy doing in life. Then ask yourselves how often you
actually do these things. Make an effort to increase these fun things in
your life. You will find as you seek for different ways to make each other
happy that you will add to the beauty of your marriage and to the pleasure
of your life. Another way to strengthen your marriage is to renew it. Sit
down together and decide what you do and do not like about your marriage.
Make a list of the behaviors you would like to change and those you would
like to increase. Agree to eliminate those things that are causing
dissatisfaction or distance in your marriage. Put more emphasis on the
positive aspects of your relationship by participating more often in
activities and behaviors which make each other happy. The result may amaze
you.
One of the quickest ways that you can improve your marriage relationship is
by getting genuinely interested in your spouse. Show a keen interest in
your partners work. Encourage each other to talk about situations that are
of great concern to you. Ask questions which will let your partner know you
are interested in his or her activities. Above all, be an attentive,
interested listener. There is no better way to fill a person's need for
respect than by being a good listener. You will discover the truth of the
Roman poet, Syrus, who said, "We are interested in others when they are
interested in us". Last, avoid extreme fragmentation. Our world today is
complex. It is fast paced and we are pressured to become involved in many
different activities. Occupational, community, and social demands pull us
in several different directions at the same time. The result is that we
feel pressured. We become terribly busy, too busy to say hello to our
neighbor, too busy to spend much time with our marriage partner, and too
busy to say, "I love you". The Bible says: "Let the husband fulfill his
duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband". This is I
Corinthians 7:3. It is from the New American Standard Version.
Now the apostle was discussing the sexual relationship in this context; yet
what is true of this intimate act is equally applicable to all of our
needs. When you get so busy you are not enjoying each other, so occupied
that you are constantly fatigued and irritable, and so involved that you
rarely see each other, there is no way your marriage can be the type of
relationship God intended it to be. No relationship in life has more
potential for bringing happiness than that between husband and wife. Surely
then it would be beneficial to take steps to prevent our marriage from
deteriorating into indifference. By practicing the principles already
mentioned it is quite likely that your marriage will once again become the
vital, growing, and very happy relationship it was intended to be.
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