Body: | Teenage Marriage: Weigh it carefully!
The rapid increase in the number of early marriages over the past several
years coupled with the extremely high rate of divorce within this same
group makes this subject extremely important.
If you are a teenager and are seriously considering an early marriage,
these are a number of potential problem areas of which you should be aware,
so that, if you do decide that this is the best course of action, you will
be alert to the possible difficulties which could lie ahead.
First, the problem of adequate financial support is obvious. Although money
does not buy happiness, it is true that a tight financial situation can
create tensions which can undermine an otherwise happy relationship. While
some financial problems are to be expected in almost any new marriage, it
is important to take time to think sensibly, so that such problems will not
destroy what could otherwise be a beautiful relationship, if not undertaken
prematurely.
This is not to suggest that you wait about marriage until every possible
financial problem has been completely solved, but rather simply suggests
that you do not close your eyes to the real situation whatever it may be.
Talk with other young couples who have been married for several months to
get a more realistic idea of the financial problems you are likely to face.
It is unfortunate, but true, that what sounds like a lot of money to you
now, may seem to be very little when monthly bills must be met.
It is also a good idea to realize that if parents or in-laws are depended
upon too heavily for financial support that this can provide the basis for
other later family conflicts as well. Regardless of the good intentions
involved, it is almost always true that the person who controls the money
ultimately rules the situation.
Although some newly married couples find it necessary to temporarily make
their home with their parents, this is generally not a wise choice unless
absolutely necessary and then only for as short a period of time as
possible. (Genesis 2:24). The old proverb which states that "no house is
large enough for two women" can also apply to other members of the family
as well. Not only does this type of arrangement tend to produce family
conflicts, but the lack of privacy also tends to make early sexual
adjustments much more difficult, thereby producing an atmosphere which can
lead to far more serious problems in later years.
A second problem which must be faced by those who enter into an early
marriage is the problem of personal maturity. While immature and
irresponsible actions may sometimes seem funny before marriage, they can
become serious pitfalls within the marriage bond. This is one reason why a
courtship of at least several months should precede any marriage, since
even the most irresponsible and self-centered person can put on a good
front for a few weeks or months.
Two keys to the real personality of a young man are, first, the kind of
things it takes to make him angry, and second, the way he treats his
mother. With only extremely rare exceptions a person who mistreats his
mother will after marriage soon also be finding equally plausible sounding
excuses for mistreating his wife. Don't let anyone fool you, regardless of
all the promises which may be made, the habits of a lifetime are very hard
to change. This same principle, of course, holds equally true for a young
lady as well.
One of the surest signs of immaturity and irresponsibility in both young
men and young women is a lack of willingness to do a reasonable share of
work in a consistent, dependable way prior to marriage. When such an
indifferent attitude is demonstrated before marriage, you can be sure that
it is only likely to become worse after marriage.
A third potential problem to be considered is the problem of growing apart.
This simply means that while two young people in their middle teenage years
have much in common, that in many cases, our ideals and goals change as we
pass the teenage years, to such an extent that we may easily find ourselves
married for life to a person with whom we will ultimately have very little
in common.
Perhaps the worst mistake of all is to marry simply to get away from an
unpleasant situation at home. Even if you are presently facing home
problems which seem almost unbearable, you will not have to remain in such
a situation forever. When you marry, however, it is for life. (Matthew
19:3-9). So don't let current personal problems drive you into a marriage
which you may otherwise not really want. Such a choice usually proves to be
a very poor trade indeed, and one that often leads to a lifetime of regret.
The extremely high rate of divorce among those who marry early should act
as a large caution sign to those contemplating an early marriage. Sometimes
early marriages work out beautifully and if you decide to marry at an early
age, you may very well be among them. Those which have been successful,
however, have almost always been those which have been entered into only
after very serious thought and consideration. If you are a Christian, you
need to spend time in prayer and meditation before reaching a final
decision. If you are not yet a Christian, a right relationship with God
would be a valuable asset to you in reaching such an important decision.
Early marriage, though possessing certain inherent dangers, is widely
practiced in contemporary America.
By way of discussing the dangers of early marriage, may I point out that
true love is the only basis upon which a successful marriage may be
constructed. (Many happy marriages are made, they do not just happen.) One
problem here is a proper definition of love. "Love is a dynamic that seeks
the highest good of its object, regardless of sacrifice or suffering." In
Ephesians 5:25, Paul says: "Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church and gave himself up for it." True love would therefore
dictate that one not subject one's loved one to undue sacrifice and
suffering due to one's own lack of preparation and ability to provide
adequately for them. While money is not the basis of a happy marriage, it
can be allowed to become a prominent factor in the dissolution of marriage.
After seriously considering the potential problems mentioned in Part I of
this two part series on Early Marriage, if you still feel that an early
marriage is your best choice, or if as a very young man or woman, you find
yourself already married, there are a few basic, simple, scriptural rules
for marriage, which can help you in making your marriage happy and
successful.
Marriage, by scriptural definition is: "The blending together of two lives,
two personalities of the opposite sex for as long as the two shall live in
this world. It is the building of a home that respects the law of God and
protects the morals of mankind."
Marriage is sanctioned by Jehovah God and is to be had in honor among all
men as you may observe by reading Genesis 2:18-24. God said: "It is not
good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him." (Verse
18) Adam then said: "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:
She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man" (Verse 23)
Moses then added: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh' (Verse 24).
Marriage, in God's divine plan, is monogamy in form, (one husband for one
wife) (I Corinthians, Chapter 7, verse 2). It is procreative in design,
(Genesis 1:28; 1 Timothy 5:14); patriarchal in government, (I Timothy 2:13;
Ephesians 5:23); religious in spirit (Deuteronomy 6:4-9); and is intended
to be indissoluble in nature (I Corinthians 7:39 and Matthew 19:6).
Three distinct purposes are served in God's divine arrangement of marriage:
Companionship - God said: "It is not good that the man should be
alone." (Genesis 2:18). If the wife forgets the design of her creation, the
marriage will likely be unhappy. She is first, last, and always a companion
to her husband.
Procreation - God said: "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish
the earth." (Genesis 1:28).
Sexual gratification - God teaches through the inspired apostle
Paul: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife,
and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the
wife due benevolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife
hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the
husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud you not one
the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt
you because of your lack of self control." (I Corinthians 7:2-5).
If you will keep these simple rules in mind and remember that marriage is a
serious business because God is its author, it is a life lasting contract
and it involves the rearing of a future generation, you can have a happy,
successful marriage.
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