Tittle-Tattle
Do you remember this from junior high school? Another student comes to you and
says, “will you tell Sally that I like her?” Or, “will you tell Mary to tell
Jane that Henry said he likes Sally?” You were being asked to deliver a message
someone else didn’t want to deliver. Perhaps you complied with the request in
junior high. But as an adult you recognize that as juvenile behavior.
Yet in offices occupied by adults, a form of that adolescent method may be
attempted. “Will you tell the boss that Bob told Bill that Joe didn’t like his
annual evaluation. I just think the boss should know.” While you may reluctantly
comply with that chain of tittle-tattle, you know there are better ways to
communicate.
This happens in families. Shunning straight communication and perhaps with as an
equal absence of maturity and courage, one family member may ask another to get
another one “told.” Though the approach often backfires it seems to be
perpetuated through several generations. It solves no problems and could create
many.
Then there are churches. The rule in many places seems to be, if you want to
complain about the elders, go to the preacher. If you have something against the
preacher, say nothing to him; take it to the elders.
Preachers are targets of this. Many times in 39 years, I’ve been approached by
someone and told plainly, “somebody needs to correct brother _____.” The object
of this criticism may have mis-worded a prayer, said something out of place or
failed to correct a child. The preacher is supposed to fix all of this.
Personally, I just don’t do this. I don’t let people use me to fix people they
think should be fixed. If a complaint is valid, take it up with the “guilty
party.” If the complaint is just idle talk, I don’t want to hear it. The only
time you can bring me in would be in cases where specific application of Matt.
18:16 or 1 Tim. 5:19 are objectively apparent.
Christians should be people of such maturity, we don’t use the communication
methods of a 7th grader. Strife is often the result, when you talk about people
in their absence. If you really care about the “guilty party,” and you are
convinced they are in spiritual jeopardy, speak directly to the person. Don’t
hand off challenging situations to others. That’s cowardly, immature, fosters
ill will and often backfires.
I like what Henry Van Dyke said: Never believe anything bad about anybody unless
you positively know it to be true; never tell even that unless you feel that it
is absolutely necessary — and remember that God is listening while you tell it.
I really like what James said: If anyone thinks he is religious and does not
bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless
(Jas. 1:26).
By Warren E. Berkley
The Front Page
From Expository Files 16.1 January 2009
