Dysfunctional Headship |
Proper Headship |
The world's way |
God's way |
Gives orders without asking or permitting questions, thinks wife not as smart |
Asks questions, seeks to truly hear, suggests alternatives, desires imput-learns from others |
Makes demands, dishes out directives, lays down the law, cracks the whip-but doesn't delegate |
Deligates authority & responsability; Respects freedom & dignity of others, keeps reigns loose |
Insecure in personal identity and authority and is therefore defensive if challenged |
Secure in self-identity, understands his authority, views challenging as positive |
Requires compliance regardless of consent or agreement |
Values willing cooperation, works for open agreement and understanding |
Pushes and manipulates, one man rules in a ridged over-under position |
Leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships in side-by-side identification |
Says, "You do, you must do", or "Yours is not to wonder why, yours is but to do or die"! |
Says, "Come, let's do, we might have done, can we try" |
Depends on external authority to motivate others |
Depends on internal integrity to motivate others |
Generates friction, resistance, resentment, separates and isolates people |
Generates acceptance, co-operation, reconciliation, unites and helps persons relate to each other |
Leads by command and threat |
Leads by example, understanding and kindness |
Asks others to do things he would not |
Asks others to do only those things he has already done (like Jesus) |
Wife's Reaction |
Husband's Action |
When the wife feels insecure. |
The husband is not being a spiritual leader. |
When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role. |
The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse. |
When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband. |
The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children. |
When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures. |
The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys. |
When the wife feels inferior and jealous. |
The husband praises or admires other women. |
When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband. |
The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship. |
When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband. |
The husband doesn't praise her for specific things. |
When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings. |
The husband doesn't make the time to listen to his wife. |
When the wife feels unprotected. |
The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces. |
When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband's physical needs. |
The husband has been lusting after other women. |
When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope |
The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness. |